Tiny horoscopes for a tiny campus
Aquarius: You still haven’t hung up half your dorm decor. Get on that friend, it’s been three weeks.
Pisces: Do NOT eat that dizza (dining hall pizza)! It’s not the pizza, it’s you.
Aries: Start asking yourself why your NYT Mini score is still over sixty seconds. I know you do it every day.
Taurus: So proud of you for debuting your back-to-school shoes! But they’re starting to smell now. Put on those shower shoes instead for a change.
Gemini: Your Instagram feed needs more chartreuse. Start taking pictures of chartreuse things.
Cancer: Grab a MAC Stuff-A-Plush. You’re gonna need it this week.
Leo: We get it, you had a summer birthday. Grab a cupcake from Dhall and stop trying to throw a party.
Virgo: Rock ‘n’ Roll McDonalds. You know what I mean.
Libra: Brat summer had to end eventually. Time to retire the lime, baby.
Scorpio: Sabrina Carpenter loves you too. Get that new shaken espresso from Java Joe. It’s what she would’ve wanted.
Sagittarius: You look pretty today.
Capricorn: Remember to send your family pictures of you having fun! But crop wisely, you’ll thank me later 🙂
The Muhlenberg Weekly's Editorial Board is comprised of the Editor-in-Chief, Managing Editor(s) and Section Editors, one of whom writes the editorial. Material appearing without a byline represents the majority opinion of the Editorial Board.
