Why I won’t vaccinate my kids

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Now, before I explain my reasoning for not vaccinating my kids and why I do not regret it, let me just say that in our current day, there is an inclination to make everything political. But not everything is political, some things are just true; facts are facts even if you disagree with them. Facts cannot be debated and the fact is that I am right in not vaccinating my kids. And I implore every single one of you reading this to read it with a clear mind and leave all judgement till all has been said and done. If you come into this article already decided that I am wrong, then you may as well just not read, but if you are willing to hear me out, I just might change what you think of me not vaccinating my kids. If you truly listen to me, you may just end up seeing me a hero for not vaccinating my kids.

To set the record straight I don’t want them to get sick, I just don’t care whether or not they do get sick

Allow me to introduce myself and my family. My name is Will, I have 2 daughters and a son, all of them illegitimate. Brenda is 16, she loves jazz and computers. Randy is 13, all he cares about is science and diet Coke. And finally, Martha, my youngest, who is 11 years old and is always reading and beatboxing, but never at the same time and she refuses to tell me why. We don’t have much in this world, but we make do with what we have. Brenda, Randy and Martha are all I have in this world and I know I am in the right for not vaccinating them. At this point you must be thinking “Will, we get it, you love your kids and you didn’t vaccinate them, but why didn’t you?” First off, I never said I love them. And secondly, I didn’t vaccinate my kids because I hate my kids.

I can tell I lost a lot of you there, but please let me explain, my kids freaking suck. They are so annoying and can’t just hang out. Take Brenda for example: she listens to jazz all the time. I am not exaggerating when I say all the time. I’m sure you are judging me right now, but a man can only take so many hours of scat solos. Also, there are no two ways about it, the kid is a dud. She keeps telling me she’s a “hacker,” so I think you get my point about her. And then there is Randy, all he cares about is science, like a nerd would. A NERD. Do you know how hard it is for a jock like me to live with a fricking nerd? It’s the worst, all I want to do is give him a swirly but I can’t because I’m his ‘dad’ and should ‘care’ about ‘him.’ And with Martha, she’s fine. I really don’t have anything wrong with her; she’s nothing great but she’s not bad, just okay, but by the time she came I already didn’t vaccinate Brenda or Randy so I kind of had to not vaccinate Martha either. So there it is, I didn’t vaccinate them because they suck and, honestly, they aren’t very cool either

Now, just to set the record straight, I don’t want them to get sick, I just don’t care whether or not they do get sick. I weighed the pros and cons, the pros being that my kids would be immune to diseases and that they wouldn’t accidently spread those diseases to someone with a lower immune system for whom the disease may be fatal, and then with the cons being that I would have to take them to doctor’s office and it would be a whole thing. So, I figured it wasn’t worth it, and I was right. None of my kids have died from measles yet, and that proves my point. Look, I’m not a monster, I’m just a guy who doesn’t care about the wellbeing of his children or the wellbeing of any children they may come in contact with, does that make me a bad person? Yes, yes it does. Hit me up on Facebook if you want to tell me how much I convinced you that I am a hero and am right for not vaccinating my losers for kids.

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