Tiny horoscopes for a tiny campus

Weekly advice and predictions

Communicated to The Weekly staff by Victor’s Lament.

Students of Muhlenberg College, we are back. 

Aquarius: You were a horse girl as a child, weren’t you? #equestriansrise

Pisces: Make sure you do the liberal arts 360 spin next time you’re gossiping. You need it. 

Aries: Spring break will be a global experience. Get ready to visit the seven wonders of your childhood bedroom. 

Taurus: Get yourself a chocolate chip cookie from D-Hall. It has your name all over it

Gemini: You are single-handedly bringing sexy back and we all applaud you for it. 

Cancer: I’m sorry they make fun of your peanut allergy. I know they drive you nuts.

Leo: Please be sure to avoid any pizza slice with specialty toppings… 

Virgo: Whip out the hot glue. It’s time to craft. It might help the voices. 

Libra: Start winking with your left eye. Gain some new perspective. 

Scorpio: The recent sun has been killing your mystique. Take a walk through the art gallery to regain your coolness. 

Sagittarius: Your finishing time for the NYT mini tomorrow will be an angel number. You’re gonna think this means something. You’re gonna sit there all day waiting for a text back, or that grade you’re dreading. Stop. It means nothing. Go play Connections. 

Capricorn: Spring is coming: teary eyed showers bring soft pillow flowers. Oh and check for dust bunnies under the bed too <3


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