Tiny horoscopes for a tiny campus
Weekly advice and predictions
Communicated to The Weekly staff by Victor’s Lament.
Students of Muhlenberg College, we are back.
Aquarius: You were a horse girl as a child, weren’t you? #equestriansrise
Pisces: Make sure you do the liberal arts 360 spin next time you’re gossiping. You need it.
Aries: Spring break will be a global experience. Get ready to visit the seven wonders of your childhood bedroom.
Taurus: Get yourself a chocolate chip cookie from D-Hall. It has your name all over it
Gemini: You are single-handedly bringing sexy back and we all applaud you for it.
Cancer: I’m sorry they make fun of your peanut allergy. I know they drive you nuts.
Leo: Please be sure to avoid any pizza slice with specialty toppings…
Virgo: Whip out the hot glue. It’s time to craft. It might help the voices.
Libra: Start winking with your left eye. Gain some new perspective.
Scorpio: The recent sun has been killing your mystique. Take a walk through the art gallery to regain your coolness.
Sagittarius: Your finishing time for the NYT mini tomorrow will be an angel number. You’re gonna think this means something. You’re gonna sit there all day waiting for a text back, or that grade you’re dreading. Stop. It means nothing. Go play Connections.
Capricorn: Spring is coming: teary eyed showers bring soft pillow flowers. Oh and check for dust bunnies under the bed too <3
