Yikes, here I go again! If you are someone who was unhappy with my previous article on a capella, “The uncomfortable truth about a capella,” I implore you read to the end because I heard you and want to make things right. For those of you who somehow don’t know, last week I wrote a fantastic article, honestly one of the best, about a capella, I won’t bore you with the details but I basically don’t like a capella and think that we should be expecting more from the groups here at Muhlenberg. I also want to be super clear right off the bat, the article was not satire, it was just criticism. I’d argue that this is my most popular article to date, having around 5000 views as of less than a week of it’s publishing, not too bad for this old man. I hate to brag, but people must love my article!! At least I thought so.
The reviews came in quick, within the first couple hours of the article being available to read it was already being shared all over the place, mostly by Muhlenberg a capella students. It looked like I was in trouble, and I was! People were mean!
People were calling me names. I was called an “idiot,” I’m not. Someone called me an “a-hole,” but I’m a boy. I was even called a “douchebag,” and my mom won’t even tell me what that means!! One person suggested that I was drinking “dumbass juice,” which regardless of whether or not it’s true, shouldn’t have been said. Someone else said that I won the “JDA” or the “Journalism Dipshit Award” and while I’m honored I feel that this was uncalled for. The point is that everyone was just being a bunch of jerks.
I am writing this article for those people. So if you are someone who commented on a post or posted my article with some comment on my intellege or my skills as a writer or my general being then this is for you. You also hurt my feelings, good job.You guys made me feel bad. But I don’t even care. I’m actually glad that you guys didn’t like the article. You guys shouldn’t have been mean! Like, who’s mean? Mean people, that’s who. And it’s not even like my first article was being mean to you, I actually think I was being pretty cool there, but no everyone had to go and call me names, you losers! I don’t even care. I don’t care that I could feel eyes on me as I walked through Seegers. I don’t care that my friends had to defend me to people, that’s actually a cool thing that they had to do. I don’t even care that I could hear my name whispered in the dining hall, I definitely didn’t feel uncomfortable being on my campus.
Also for everyone who was mad, so many more people secretly told me they agreed, I can’t say who. But a lot of people agree behind closed doors. Honestly, I’m happy that everyone was mean, it just shows I’m right and surprisingly brave. If a capella was so good then why would so many people care so much that one idiot didn’t like it? Because I’m right and handsome and cool and hot! I’m not crying! I’m not even sad anymore. I’m actually mad. Sad becomes mad when the lad gets had.
I’m freaking pissed, I’m an outcast now! All because I don’t like a capella? What the hella? I’m mad because nothing happened. I wanted people to talk about my article, to think about what a capella is and could be, but instead proverbial tomatoes were thrown at me. It doesn’t even matter because I still don’t like a capella and you still do. The difference now is that I’m a persona non grata who can’t get a date anymore. If the only thing that has changed is that my feelings are worse, then why were you so mean?