I am truly blessed to be back in my home. Well, it is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing being that I get to return to my favorite place and do my favorite thing, writing for the Muhlenberg Weekly and the Muhlenberg Weekly respectively. The curse being that I am literally cursed to haunt the halls of the Muhlenberg Weekly office for the rest of time, which is less than ideal. For those of you who may or may not remember, I straight up died.
Let me take it back now y’all. Two hops this time.
In late September of this year, I published an article on the dark underbelly of Zumba, spoiler alert there was no dark underbelly, just a dork upperjelly whose name was me. So, I quit, and retired with dignity. Then a writer by the name of Bill Bamser came to take my place, he had an arc, go find the articles if you care but I don’t because he fricking killed me, and last time I checked I don’t like my murderer. Well technically I killed him because he had an evil cult and my murder of him is what killed me, but that is not the point.
The point is that I died, but now I’m back and a ghost with a heart of cold, ain’t nothing gonna keep me down. There are some good things and there are some not so good things, but I’m trying to stay positive. Dr. Oz keeps telling me that all we have is our positivity. Oh wow, look at me name dropping. Well, speaking of positives, that’s probably the biggest positive. I’ve made a lot of friends that I never could before this, obviously because they are dead. And yes, my new best friend is Dr. Philip Oz, he’s a good guy with even better ghost skin (that’s what we call our skin in the biz).
It’s actually a funny story, when I first died Tina Fey met me and said “What took you so long? John Legend has a lampshade on his head, Baby Gaga is in the back puking, Ghandi’s already passed out and Ace Ventura has a little present for you.” We have been laughing about that ever since.
I will be beautiful forever, so that’s good. Not living for the rest of eternity seems like a pretty good gig at first; infinite hot dogs, hanging out with my main man Slimmer (AKA Onionhead) whenever I want, taking stray socks from dryers (a little ghostie prank). But there are definitely some downsides, I can’t deny that. For instance, every moment is pain and the knowledge that it will never end only makes it worse. Another thing is that when I close my eyes I see everyone I have ever loved laughing at my grave and that sure stings.
But regardless of the bad, I stay positive and just am happy to get back to work and back to writing. So, thank you all for coming to my funeral and I’ll see you next semester!! If you have any fun ghost questions hit me up on MySpace, the ghost Facebook of course.
