I’m trying this new thing where I am confident in the things I do. A concept that comes so easily to people who don’t look like me, a concept that everyone seems to get except for me, a concept that was so far from being a possibility that when the idea finally made its way to me I actually thought that it was revolutionary.
My Fat, Black Body. I know that’s hard for some of you to hear.
My Fat, Black Body
She breathes for me
Feeds me
Sleeps for me
Takes me to the rehearsals where you don’t want me.
Wakes me
Loves me
Listens to me
Takes care of me
She knows me.
She knows what fulfills my soul which is why she keeps bringing me.
But,
She also knows that she holds me back from my true capability
I hate my Fat, Black Body
She has prevented me from getting the roles I deserve because how could I play the love interest when I look like I could beat my scene partner up
She has prevented me from wearing the clothes I want because god forbid someone sees my dark inner thighs or notices I am fat
She has prevented me from dancing the way I want to dance because I just might jiggle a bit too much
This Fat, Black Body has forced me into a box
Has told me I will always play the mom, the maid, the man
Has told me there is nothing about me to proud of
that confidence is not meant for me
My Fat, Black Body tries to make me happy
She works so hard
Taking on the work that no one else will
Stretching her Fat Black Body so thin that she no longer has the curves she is known for, her strength that you all admire so much, or her…
Oh
Would you look at that
She has stretched herself so thin that she finally fits your size 2 requirement
Now you can hear my voice? my screams?
Now I can be seen
Now I am worth your time and energy because
Now you can not do this without me
So!
I am trying this new thing where I am confident in the things I do because I can no longer live this way. I have been tricked into believing that my body and I were enemies, foes, fundamentally pitted against one another when it was always me who couldn’t stand being next to her. I am turning my hate into love. I am a fantastic dancer, I play an amazing love interest, I love going out, and my Fat Black Ass looks real good in a mini skirt.
