Look here kid, I’m not gonna mince words with you, nor will I be mincing meat. I’ve got nothing for this article. I’m writing this article for the sole purpose of filling some extra space in this newspaper issue. This newspaper is The Muhlenberg Weekly. And I am Will. You see, I’m just writing this just so we get those sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet words in. It’s not that I don’t want to write a good article, I really do but I just don’t have that good stuff right now. You know, some days you have it, some days you do not have it.
And today, I do not have it. To operate at the level I write at, you’ve got to get into a funny zone. And baby, I live there. But the problem is that I got kicked out. You see, I got into a big fight with my funny wife (aka my creativity) and she sent me straight to the dog house. And then I got into an even bigger fight with my funny dog (aka my backup imagination) and now I’m sleeping on the couch in the dog house of my mind. This is all to say that I got a bad night of sleep and am doing my best to get by.
Look here kid, things have been tough lately; I’m going through a lot and I have neither the time nor the energy to write the same genius I always do. I want to keep going with this, but I don’t know how long I can. Do you know how much goes into writing these articles? Honestly, not that much. But I can’t always be the one to do it. That’s why I’m forced to write this junk, no substance, no voice, no point. Nothing like the junk I used to write. I used to write real satire. I took down idiotic opinions through clever twists and biting jokes while maintaining my voice throughout. But now I’m doing this, just putting down whatever because that’s my job.
Please free me from this mental prison. If you are reading this, please write something for this paper, anything. I don’t care if you think you are a bad writer or if you think that your opinion isn’t worth being in the paper. This article is in the paper; any of your writing is going to have more substance than this. I mean come on, help me out and let me take a week off to relax. I need some R and R and R and R. Rest and Relaxation and Redemption and Real, talk.
It’s tough because sometimes you just don’t have the energy to do something like this. But then you also committed and you want to honor your commitments. But is it worth it when this is the outcome? But you know what? I filled this space and got it done. I did what I had to and even if this is the product, it just means my bar is even lower and even easier to exceed. I really don’t have any final point, I got what I needed to get done and that’s fine.