Paige’s Page

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Hey, besties! Welcome to this week’s edition of Paige’s Page! Relationships, as we have discussed a lot in this column, are incredibly difficult to navigate, and while incredibly important to have, sometimes hard to maintain. This week we are discussing friendships! I love this topic because when it comes to friends I have had to look really hard to find really good ones and that took a long time for me to be able to do. Let’s get started! 

Hi Paige! I love my friends so much, but sometimes they do things that I don’t agree with within their personal lives and it is really difficult for me to feel like I have to encourage them to do what they want to do. How do I stop judging my friends so harshly?

Hey, bestie! This is a really great question! I very firmly believe that if someone is not asking you for advice, don’t give it to them, because a lot of the time what they probably need is just someone to listen to them and to love them. Sometimes people need to do irrational things and you need to let them (things that will not cause them harm). While you may not agree with their choices, they will likely do what they want to do anyway. Making mistakes is how you learn, so let them do what they feel they need to do and be the person they need to support them and lift them back up when they are down so they can learn for next time. Ultimately, that unconditional support, with an open understanding that you may not have the same feelings on some things, is what will keep your friends around you. I have a hard time remembering this sometimes, but ultimately the things that they are doing, they are doing to and for themselves. Their situation likely does not involve you or even other people, so just support them and be there for them, they will appreciate it so much even if at the time they know this is not how you would go about their situation. Set boundaries if you need to, be honest with them, but make sure that they know that you care.

Hey Paige, I don’t like my partner’s friends and I don’t think they like me very much either, but I feel like I have to be around them to keep my partner happy. Do I tell my partner or do I just suck it up and try to be their friend? 

Hi, bestie! I’m so sorry that this is happening to you! I think that ultimately you are going to have to—at the very least—be civil with their friends and spend time with them when you need to, but other than that you don’t really need to become friends with them. Maybe try to keep an open mind! With this, please do not attempt to stop your partner from being around their friends or attempt to end their friendships with others, you each need your own friendships and being around people other than your partner is necessary. Bring your partner around your friends, maybe they will get along and you can allocate your time between both groups evenly. Their friendships are independent of your relationship and that is something that will not change. You can tell your partner about your problem with their friends, but this could potentially lead to problems within your relationship, and as long as they are not going out of their way to harm your relationship you can value their friendship to the person you care about. 

Hi Paige, should I be worried that my friends won’t like me or think I don’t care about them because I am really bad at reaching out?

Hey, bestie! I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but I am an awful texter. Like, so bad. I am constantly so scared of losing my friends because of this. I love my friends so much, but they know that I am the worst at reaching out to them and they will not hold it against me when I don’t. It is something I have actively been trying to get better at, and that is really all anyone can ask for. If you communicate with your friends and tell them how you struggle to do this, they will understand and maybe even try to help you do better. If they really are your friends, clearly they care about you, they will love you regardless of this flaw. It is really great that you notice this problem for yourself and holding yourself accountable makes you so strong. Don’t worry too much, but work on it if you think it would be important for you too. 

You can submit questions to https://tinyurl.com/paigespagequestion. It will also be linked in my Instagram bio: @paigeweisburg and in The Muhlenberg Weekly Instagram Linktree @bergweekly.

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