July 7, 2022– 12:18am 

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It’s the middle of the summer and as the fireworks spit their loud cracks I wonder why I don’t do the same. 

I’ve been questioning why I’ve been questioning myself for a while and haven’t seemed to find an answer. 

As my eyes pool with tears and my nose drips 

I continue asking myself 

Why? 

How can I give love when I’m still learning to give it to myself? How can I ask for healing from someone when I haven’t let myself heal? I want so badly to feel safe 

that the thought of a safety net sickens me. 

I’ve become so comfortable in discomfort that warmth has begun to feel like ice. I fear that it is too late for me. 

I’ve been telling myself this lie since I learned of its power. 

So much so that I’ve told myself it is the truth. 

How to reverse a belief you’ve constructed for yourself over years. 

Love, 

A concerned owner of this body

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