The monster hunting community has been a beacon for great men bored with everyday life and who have faced tragedy, the likes of which cause them to have a great hate for all monster-kind, but now girls want to do it too? Gross! This begs some questions; should girls be allowed to hunt monsters? Can girls even hunt monsters? I needed to get to the bottom of this, so I talked to a bunch of men about it. I, as a journalist, will try to remain unbiased, even though whoever heard of a chick monster hunter? It doesn’t make any sense, but either way, I will be unbiased in this. This question of girls in the monster hunting business began years ago when Van Helsing, the famed monster hunter, came out saying that monster hunting is not a job for girls. At the time, he faced some backlash, but in recent years he gained some followers in his beliefs, mostly from men who believe they are owed something from girls, because we are owed something from girls. Now many monster hunters are afraid of girls entering their work force, saying that the monster hunting world is one of the few places to really bro out, and no chicks allowed, but especially no fatties. Despite these facts, girls are still attempting to hunt monsters like that Dracula or the Boogieboy and even a Frankenstein or two.
But before we get into why girls are trying to hunt monsters, let’s look into why they shouldn’t be doing this, or, I guess, why they should or shouldn’t be doing this. What benefits would girls bring to the monster hunting community? I can’t think of any, so there aren’t any because I’m a smart man, and if there were any I would have thought of them. I should probably point out that this is not the first case of girls being involved with the supernatural; no eyebrows are gonna raise if a girl is off looking for fairies or unicorns, but we are talking about girls hunting real monsters, like El Chupacabra.
Girls just aren’t strong enough, and because I’m actually concerned about their safety that means that I’m not sexist.
What problems could come from this? For one, those girls would be stealing the kills from more competent men, men who actually have to try and don’t just look pretty and get whatever they want. And even if the girls kill the monster it cannot be explained other than the monster’s just trying to be nice and letting the girl kill him. And the girls probably wouldn’t even show the monster any nudes even though the monster was being really nice and letting her kill him. This issue would be even worse if any girl tried to hunt a girl monster like a chick yeti, they’d probably just gab about fashion or nails. The truth is that there is no control over girls killing monster girls.
But the worst offense came when a girl monster hunter was almost hurt just after taking down a Moon Wolf. That one example of one girl getting close to hurt is proof that no girl ever has the capacity to kill any monsters. Girls just aren’t strong enough, and because I’m actually concerned about their safety means that I’m not sexist. No one can say I’m sexist because I think girls should be treated like princesses and not people, chicks should totally get to do all the dumb girl stuff they want because they are too fragile to do anything important. My putting women on a pedestal and not treating them like humans, but like objects made to benefit me, is what makes me not sexist.
No one can say I’m sexist because I think girls should be treated like princesses and not people.
The world is becoming much more prejudiced against men; recently a monster hunter was killed by a Dracula almost immediately after saying that he thought the reason there weren’t more girls hunting monsters is because they are biologically less capable of it. Although it cannot be confirmed, I’m pretty sure that Dracula only killed him because he was saying something not “politically correct,” and in case it wasn’t clear, those quotes are being used in a mocking manner. We can’t even ask the Dracula if that’s why he killed this monster hunter because right as the Dracula was about to turn the monster hunter, the Dracula let himself be killed by some chick! It has become so dangerous for men to say anything now a days, it has become a veritable witch hunt. And witch hunts used to be cool, when a bunch of men would get together and burn some chick who was probably a witch, back to the days when men didn’t have to feel threatened by girls and other minorities gaining the rights and luxuries that men already had for a long time.
Honestly, I’d like it if chicks started killing monsters, I really would. The problem is that no girls are trying and the ones that are are being totally uncool about it. The reason that more girls aren’t trying is because girls are predisposed to not want to kill monsters, and those who are trying are only doing it because they want to take away all the rights men have and they’re probably lesbians.
If girls wanted to kill monsters without being all girly about it, I’d love it, but the truth is that girls don’t want to, and not because of the thousands of ways that society tries to shape women into something they may not be from their birth and how throughout every woman’s entire life they have to deal with so many things trying to suppress them as a person and trying to force them into what men think women should be and how women should think and act, and this is so intrinsic to our society at this point that it must be so difficult for women to figure out if they only like the things they like because society has told them to like those things their whole life. It has nothing to do with any of that, it’s because girls are dumb.
To all the ladies reading this, hit me up on Facebook if you want to talk. Maybe we can get coffee, see where things go, and I’m also on Reddit because of course I am.