GQ: the heart and soul of campus. Students and faculty grabbing a quick meal between classes, tutors and tutees leaning over computer screens, friends gathering to study over coffee, and individuals hunkered down to crank out the five-page paper due at 11:59 p.m. that night (as soon as they figure out how to start).
Like a watering hole in the desert of academia, people from every social group gather there peacefully to satiate a common need.
But the creatures who inhabit it come nightfall are very different from these.
Picture, if you will, GQ at 3 a.m. on a Saturday.
The fluorescent bulbs are harsh, with no natural light to add warmth. The ceiling feels lower, the carpet dirtier and the sushi a little suspect.
Slowly, the nocturnal species of this biosphere come crawling, skipping and stumbling in from all over, and in various states of lucidity.
These vary from day to day and season to season, but there is a set cast of characters we’ve all come to know and love.
The Loud One. Everyone in GQ at this time is less than volume-conscious, but there are always a few people who manage to include the entire room in their conversation without meaning to. They’re surrounded by a group desperately trying to shut them up, or maybe being egged on by their equally enthusiastic friends. If at any point you or a member of your group starts belting out Victorious songs, you are The Loud Ones.
That One Guy From Class. Everyone has those classes that they’d rather not be taking. You go (sometimes), you sit, you stare into space for 80 minutes, and then you leave. You don’t know most of the other people super well, but you see That One Guy From Class in GQ at this time, and he’s suddenly hugging you like you’re estranged war buddies. You’ve never spoken to them before, but for the next few minutes, you have a new best friend, even if they guess your name wrong. A run-in with That One Guy From Class exists in a vacuum; you will never acknowledge each other again if either of you remembers that it happened to begin with.
The One Person On Campus You Don’t Want To See. Exes, bad hookups, or even just friends you’re trying to break up with. When the school is this tiny, and GQ so integral to the weekend experience, it’s not surprising to see someone who makes you wince when they walk into the room. Nothing brings down the night quite like The One Person On Campus You Don’t Want To See, but there aren’t many things that fries can’t solve, and half a box in, you’ll forget they were even there.
The Person You’re Responsible For. For Orientation Leaders, Writing Assistants and RAs, there’s a special kind of weirdness that comes with seeing a student you’re responsible for stumble, red-eyed and giggling, by your booth. You’re not in a particularly role-model conducive state, and locking eyes with a freshman who keeps skipping your tutoring sessions despite the several emails you’ve sent is a deeply unsettling experience.
The Supportive Drunk Girl In The Bathroom. You know them, you love them, they never get tired of telling you how pretty you are. Not only will they hype you up better than anyone you know, they ask deep, thought-provoking questions we don’t think to consider, such as my personal favorite, “have you ever met anyone you’d unbutton your pants for?”
The beauty of GQ at 3 a.m. is that these roles change from night to night, and even moment to moment. Chances are, we’ve all hyped someone up in the bathroom, or been the one person on the whole campus someone is desperately trying to avoid. Sometimes a barely comprehensible conversation with a classmate in the line for mozzarella sticks is the thing that sparks a genuine relationship. GQ at 3 a.m. is truly the great equalizer.
